Book सारांश :: Lean In (by Sheryl Sandberg)

When I started reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Meta aka Facebook), I presumed it to be another self-help book.

However, in the very first chapter, Sandberg mentions her pregnancy when she asks Larry Page (Google co-founder) to reserve parking space for women near the entry gate so that she doesn’t have to walk from the very end of the Parking lot to the gate. Keep aside men, even women are not aware of some of the issues that women themselves go through until they face them. As Sandberg suggests, it is always better to ask than presume. There are so many incidents that are mentioned in the books, which make it very relatable for working women.

In the first chapter of “The Leadership Ambition Gap”, the book mentions how female leaders are so minorly represented whether it be in world politics or corporate leadership roles. Even though women perform at par or better than their male counterparts in academics, the statistics on the gap at the leadership level across the globe are astonishing.

While the last century women did their part to live in a world where women's basic human rights are normal, the effort shall continue till we see a world where both genders serve and get compensated equally; Not just work, but rise to the top. One of the takeaways from the chapter “Sit at the Table” is to keep your hand up to get noticed which we as women shy away from. Are you raising your baby girl to raise her hand and be confident to sit at the table? And at the same time are the boys being raised to be real partners? Are we making it too easy for men by just dropping out of the race and reducing the competition by 50%?

Another interesting chapter on “Success and Likeability” is a hard-hitting one. Women tend to downplay their success and feel uncomfortable in acknowledging or promoting it, while we only have to say Thank You with gratitude. Sandberg beautifully covers societal impressions and expectations of working women, which can be summarized with the chapter’s quote, “For a woman to be arrogant, all she needs to do is hang up the phone”. Cultural biases don’t make success and likeability go hand-in-hand for women. She advises the only way to increase likeability for women leaders is by having more and more women in such roles so that it becomes difficult to dislike women. And I like the idea, but till then fewer in number have to take the brunt and keep going.

As blunt as it can be, the “Are you my mentor?” chapter shows the mirror that at times as women how lost we can feel when we think only a mentor can sail us through the career ocean. However, Sandberg recommends building allies and sponsorship for one’s career growth instead of seeking a mentor someone like Prince Charming who will come riding on that white horse and take away all your career troubles; And you will live happily ever after.

Often women plan their careers assuming a future that’s still a few years away and prioritize their careers for the future instead of the present moment. Like someone planning for a baby, avoids taking on more responsibilities at work without thinking the baby could at least take a year or more to come by. This is very tactically covered in the chapter “Don’t leave before you leave”. Few decisions are better left for the moment!

All in all, the role of a true partner can never be denied. The cultural burden of the traditional role is not only on the shoulders of women but on men as well. If women are expected to be the primary caregiver, men are expected to be the primary earner of the family. This burden shall be reduced for both genders. As much societal motivation is required for women to take up more career-oriented roles, at the same time the need is for social acceptance of caregiver roles for men. The division of responsibilities shall be equal and mutually consensual. If a man likes to cook and a woman is good at looking at family investment, that doesn’t give an edge to one over the other. And similar shall be applicable when roles are reversed. The chapter “Make your Partner a Real Partner” tries to give a fact-check to these partnership hassles and dilemmas.

How much we desire, but we can’t have it all because life comes with constraints, and trade-offs; those are different for each of us. Sandberg states several studies and instances where women and men react differently to prioritizing family over work or work over family. At the same time, while men are applauded to be hands-on fathers, women face cultural penalties or guilt-trip for leaving the baby for work instead of being applauded for being hands-on mothers. The chapter “The Myth of Doing It All” makes you think when you can’t have it all, wouldn’t it be wiser to prioritize choices based on what’s best at the moment without guilt-tripping?

It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you. —Rumi

Knowing these trade-offs, are you making a mindful effort to create an equal environment? Is the environment conducive for women to fit in as a woman? Are we taking steps for social, political, and economical equality of women and men? Whether men or women, it is important to acknowledge that the bias exists. When a woman is promoted, it is not because of her luck or being pretty, but her quality that the promotion expected. Instead of expecting everyone to fit into the same stereotypical role, it is important to accept the differences and transcend to the next level.

Equality is where men and women work in every role and industry 50-50. We, women of this generation, have to carry this responsibility to pave way for the next generation where working women are encouraged and caregiver men are supported. Maybe it is time to promote #siscode for positive female support.

This book has made me realize how a lot of my beliefs despite being a woman, were so biased toward other women and made me judge their circumstances as excuses. And if this mindset could happen to a woman, we need to educate and bring awareness to men to build empathy and advocate for their fellow women colleagues as well. As the proverb goes,

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

It is time to show the strength of #sisterhood and strengthen #partnership of men and women. True partners who can work through weaknesses without disgracing one, and use their strength to uplift one another. 

Raise your hand without the fear of being dismissed or judged; Sit at the table to make your opinion count.