Feel Alive

अपने होने का भी क्या गुमान करना ओ साथी , अपने तो कल निशाँ भी नहीं बचेंग़े। कुछ होंगे जो याद करेंगे शायद कुछ दिन , बाक़ी तो आज भी परवाह नहीं करते होंगे।। तो बहने से पहले , थोड़ा अपने लिए जीना। और बाक़ी उनके लिए जो , होकर भी दुनिया में , नहीं हैं।। जो बहने से पहले , एक बार तो जीना चाहते होंगे।।

It has almost been a week and Achala couldn't decide the way forward. She has not stepped out of the house, her reservoir of tears kept getting replenished and nowhere near to get dried up. Girish tried to cheer her up with movies, his humor, his closeness, but she wasn't ready for the transition from demotivated space to feel motivated. It felt like a lot of work to feel good when nothing good was happening. And Ritvik called. "Where are you? been a month and we have not spoken." Before she could utter anything, he said, "Let's meet at our Tapari spot in the evening. You know that I don't like adarak wali chai without you." Ritvik laughed and she couldn't stop her smile. She had always liked his company. He was such a sober, genuine, family guy, so much sorted, uncomplicated. Achala took shower. She had to wash her hair but didn't feel like it. "Are you okay?" Ritvik asked her. She said, "Yeah, what will happen to me?" &q

Achala was restless, confused; thinking when all did go wrong. She could not believe the conversation that she had today. It was going over and over, still did not make sense. She has worked so hard, she always has. "Is this my fault?" rings in her head. "Am I not good enough? Just an average software professional who can never make it to the top. But I tried everything.", she screamed in her head.  Girish is home early today than his usual time. "What's wrong?" He senses her mood as he walks in. Seeing him gave her the courage to be weak and she broke down into tears.  "I'm going to get fired. I worked so hard." She kept crying and nothing else would come out. He holds her in his arm, "Tell me what has happened?"  "I don't know. They might fire me". "For what?" "Because it is not working out. And all the blame is on me. It had never worked in the first place." And her head is spinning thinking