#MeToo embarrassed, ashamed, and Strong #MumbaiGirls

Those were the initial days when I had started travelling alone. For the first time in 15 years, I was travelling alone by Bus. I was anxious, worried if I will get down at correct stop or not. I would have asked almost 5 times to people if Ghatkopar station came, got down and I had no clue which way is station. Finally, I reach other side of the station and take another Bus, reach college. Wow! It is not so difficult Amrita. You can get used to it!

I was wearing a fitted Sky Blue Salwar Kameez which was one of my favorites.

While returning, Buses were not as empty as in the morning and I have no idea how to get into that. 4 Buses gone. Alright, need to get into that now, looked at people and next bus I’m in that crowded Bus. I’m in that fully packed Bus and touched everywhere, can’t say if it is space or intention. Ignore and keep moving! Now it is routine and everyday new story.

Someone touching bottom, someone front. I can keep my Bag either front or back. I decide, it is front. Back / Bottom is still manageable. All these times, I’m scared to say anything. I shift, move away from such people. I didn’t want to wear fitted dresses anymore.

I don’t want to look better anymore. Let’s not give them any reason to look at me. Go find another female. (sic)

Then I get into Engineering College where I need to change 2 Buses and 2 Trains everyday for one way. Good part with trains is you have Ladies compartment, where touching is not as offensive.

I learn how to use Elbow and that angry look on the face, how to push people, and keep safe distance in crowded Bus. I would have screamed at someone who touched me accidentally, because he lost his Balance. I apologize, but “Gehu ke saath Ghoon toh pisata hi hai”.

And then, BEST increased number of ladies seats in a normal Bus and people were cribbing. I understand. You must see fully packed Bus to Andheri and you would understand their feeling.

Reservations are needed when People don’t draw or know how to draw limits themselves.

There were drunk psychos who would stand near Ladies seat, open their zips and tried to touch your shoulder. That’s a shitty stuff to see when you are going to Office in the Morning. You can’t talk to such people because you don’t know what they will do to you. They are not in their senses.

I was telling my Brother that you guys can’t feel this stuff. He told me his Local train incident. He and his friend were standing to get down at Kurla (if I remember correctly) and a Guy gets on the train. Suddenly, he started giving weird smiles to his friend and tried to touch him. He said that they could relate to the feeling because when it happened, they just wanted to get down and run.

I was in the last round of my HR interview and he asks me - “Amrita, what will you do if someone touches you in the Bus?” I was surprised, I didn't know what to answer. I told him, I would shout at the guy and move away. And that HR tells me - “You talk so soft Amrita, I don’t think you can do that. Why don’t you girls slap such people? If you slap, then next time that guy won’t dare to do this again.” I don’t remember what I answered, but that statement got stuck with me. Am I so soft? Don’t I know how to deal with these people?

I got selected and normal office routine started. You would know Andheri to Ghatkopar is one of the packed Bus route if you have travelled in Mumbai. That was my daily commute. The everyday thing remained same and one just learns to deal with these things in their own way.

One day while coming back, I was standing to get down at my stop and a guy was behind me. I could feel his nose near my Hair, gave him angry look but he was the pathetic kind. Again same thing and I don’t know HOW or (after-thought is) WHY I slapped him. He slapped me back and blood running through my Nose. A Girl in Burkha said, you did right thing.

Damn you idiot… My nose is broken. Not a single person in Bus spoke. I told Driver, take Bus to Police Station. That guy got down immediately. I went behind, caught his bag and he ran. Conductor rang the Bell and Bus went to its route. I went home with some Blood stains on my cloth, angry. My father asked should we do Police complaint. I said yes, but I don’t even remember his face. For the first time in my life, I felt terrible to even think about the trauma of Rape. I was only touched and I felt angry, scared. I wished I could curse everyone on that Bus that day so experience the same fate where they could feel the pain of it. I would take Ladies Bus in the morning, asked my Colleague / Friend to accompany me. Then my office changed and slowly the memory was part of the past.

Lesson learnt: Nobody comes forward, no damn body. It is you who will suffer and fight.

There are so many experiences that we go through which changes/redefines our attitude towards people / males. I don’t feel apologetic for that. It is as simple as Survival Instinct and nobody needs your Sympathy. What we need is your Courage to speak up when needed, because we have been / are courageous to deal with it.

My Sister’s office was in Dadar and people used a nearby Bridge which was alway in Dark. One day she was walking with her colleagues and there were 4-5 Men coming to them with their Zip open and their hand on their most sacred Part of the Body. She screamed (Thank God, Her scream sounds very similar to the Horror movie one - chilling) and some of her male colleagues at end of Bridge started coming back. She ran without looking at anyone till she reached end of the Bridge. Her male colleagues consoled her and came back to find other girls and those men. Men were gone. She told this to HR and she said it has happened to other Girls as well. But they can’t file a complaint. Great, isn’t it !

When she used to go to Classes during her 12th, that was the time of MNS rise i.e. rise of hatred towards migrants from North. She was coming back and she saw a Girl from her class walking ahead of her. Some party’s celebration was going on and people were drunk. One guy holds that Girl, asks her - Where are you from? Then tells her, I will rape you then you guys will realize. My sister went running, pushes the guy back, holds that girl’s hand and starts running till they reach station or road. Does anyone understand/care about the complexity/intensity of their political statements?

Imagine if this can happen in Mumbai, what about other cities and states.

This is one of the longest blog but did you ever see this happening in front of your eyes and did not speak? I wish that would have happened to your Mom, sorry if that sounds rude.

These are instances when we knew what is right and what is wrong. But when it happens at School that’s the awkward time.

I was talking to one of my School friends who said, you know in my school if anything happens to a Student, we have in-house Counsellors. Forget about molestation, you can’t even shout at a Kid. But you remember what used to happen at our School.

Maybe nothing happened to me, because my Dad is lawyer or maybe there were other beautiful females in my Batch (Good for me). Not happened to my Sis, because she was crazy and her Dad is lawyer :)

There was this Teacher who used to put hand in Girls uniform. People from my school would know it immediately. He would touch front, pinch them. I think whole school knew about it, but he used to teach well. And there were no molestation laws at that time.

My friend told her Mom about it and she said, don’t tell this to anyone. He is your Guru. “Aise nahi bolte”

I don’t know how many batches suffered through his hand. They didn’t know they are being molested and that’s something wrong.

Everyone go through something or the other. Nothing changes and we change ourselves to live with that.

One day you come and tell me, why don’t you slap them. Because we have to survive, not perish. I will decide when and how to fight or flight. Don’t judge me for that. Because I have to stand for myself.

And that’s the very reason why Trump is still President and why Harvey Weinstein is stepping down now after so many years of abuse.

I don’t know who is wrong and who is right. Weinstein did what he did because nobody spoke against it. Nobody spoke against it because when they did, nobody supported them.

Should they risk their career when you sit at home and enjoy/pity the news?

I find this tweet so meaningful.

Attempting to share my #MeToo comic as a single image. pic.twitter.com/V168h2bnAG

— Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) October 21, 2017