It has almost been a week and Achala couldn't decide the way forward. She has not stepped out of the house, her reservoir of tears kept getting replenished and nowhere near to get dried up. Girish tried to cheer her up with movies, his humor, his closeness, but she wasn't ready for the transition from demotivated space to feel motivated. It felt like a lot of work to feel good when nothing good was happening.
And Ritvik called. "Where are you? been a month and we have not spoken." Before she could utter anything, he said, "Let's meet at our Tapari spot in the evening. You know that I don't like adarak wali chai without you." Ritvik laughed and she couldn't stop her smile.
She had always liked his company. He was such a sober, genuine, family guy, so much sorted, uncomplicated.
Achala took shower. She had to wash her hair but didn't feel like it.
"Are you okay?" Ritvik asked her. She said, "Yeah, what will happen to me?"
"Is everything alright between you and Girish?"
"Yes, it is as usual. Why do you ask?"
"You don't look okay. You know you can tell me."
And there again, those tears were right on the edge of her eyes to spill out. Achala wiped those and sighed. She told Ritvik whatever was going on.
"I don't like this work, nor this place. I don't know why I'm still here. Still, I always try to give my best, and now I will probably get fired."
"...which you know could be a good thing in a way because you want to get out. Isn't it?" he completed the sentence.
She looked at him with a hint of yes in her eyes and said, "Probably! But I want them to have the courage to speak on my face that it is my fault."
"Well, does it matter? Or it is just your ego that says how can they fire me! The Achala! You can fight as much as you want but is it worth it? Is it something you want to fight for?"
"I don't know," Achala said, knowing that she agrees with Ritvik.
"It is nothing new that's happening to you. I know it looks unfair on this side. We don't know the reasons for the other side as yet when they take such decisions.
I had a junior in my team, Dhruv. He joined as a fresher and wanted to start into development. The manager told him, for now, to do this deployment-related work, then they will move him to a developer role in some time. After a year, he was frustrated and had some arguments with the manager around the role. He didn't insult or said anything unpleasant, but the manager's ego was so pumped up that he got him fired. Dhruv asked for an experience letter of a year's work but they denied it and said they will screw him in any background verification call. His first job and turned into a big mess. Who do you blame? The manager or the management that took his side and was ready to screw a fresher's career.
And it was not a one-off case. That manager had such a track record. There was a female employee in his team Samriddhi and she was really good. But she asked him questions that why something is not getting done. Again the big ego went crying to management. But she had a very good rapport with the client and had created more business for the company. So his immediate manager couldn't support him openly and the matter went to the founder Mr. RGB. Mr. RGB being a genuine honest guy, killed the matter right there.
There are so many more stories. And you must have seen those alread." Ritvik felt sad by recalling all these incidents.
"Hmm, I have seen you go through a similar thing. In the name of cost-cutting, your previous company fired you, while keeping other non-performing members. Because your manager couldn't spoil his personal relationships with other families. You remember, he hired guys from his village and family. No interview, direct offer." Achala recalled.
"How can I forget! It looked scary and uncertain. And I'm sure that's how it feels to you as well right now. But I prepared, applied for jobs, and am better off. At times I feel it was for better. Otherwise, I would have stayed stuck there with limited growth." Ritvik's eye lit up with pride. "And you have locked yourself up. You are not frustrated for getting fired. Instead, the problem is not being able to take that one step to go out and interview for the job. You are seeking closure, while you need to move on."
"I might get good compensation if I get fired 😀. And they will have to give a lot of explanation for that 😀" Achala sarcastically laughed.
"Yes, serves your ego well. Think about what I said. Your career matters more than these petty politics. Job loyalty is mutual. Whether employer or employee, whoever feels otherwise, then it is either time to fire or resign. Take care. You are better than this." Ritvik told her assuringly.
She felt better and was thinking about what should be the next step whether to be part of the company or not. Will she be herself if she chose to stay or otherwise?
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how the character is built. — Eleanor Roosevelt
"It is almost a week." She said to herself. "You need to come out of your den and at least go out there. We can figure out what to do next after some time. That is okay." Achala felt the same way. The next morning she woke up with some energy but still not sure if she is ready to step out. But she talked herself to go cycling.
Fresh air in solitude can do wonders to the body and mind. She tried to breathe in all the freshness & fragrance, beauty & innocence, and motivation to rise again after falling every single time.
Isn't this the way the Sun sets and rises again every single day? Ain't you learn riding a bike by falling and starting it over again? "I know these are cliches but at least these help me come out of my dark den." Achala murmured and kept peddling way home.
Achala was feeling good after what felt like ages. Talking to Ritvik had given a boost to her confidence. Maybe she needed that extra dose, maybe she is not that bad or so average, maybe she is better than what is being said to her by management.
*** Tips and Tricks ***
Rooting your opinions of your own capability on someone else's opinion creates Self doubt.
When you see someone going through such a phase, don't motivate them with hollow words. Be honest. Tell them if they need to improve or if one is underestimating oneself. The world is not a fair place and so are the Humans. It is unfair to expect fairness from everyone.
If you are going through such a phase, take a step back. It is ok to fail, to be wrong. You might not be the best, but you can be better. Hone your skills, look for options, don't hold yourself back.
"There is no person living who isn't capable of doing more than they think they can do." —Henry Ford
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